omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
