Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
