'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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