I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize