Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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