I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
