I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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