her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
