One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
