I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
