Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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