I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
