The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
