the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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