she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
