Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
