Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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