Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
