I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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