my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
