what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
