Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
