i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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