I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
