Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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