Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize