big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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