just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
