he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize