Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
