I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
