So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
