I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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