it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize