dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
