508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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