you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
