Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
