Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
