Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
