Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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