Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
