Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
