oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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