if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
