I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
