Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
