im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize