is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
