Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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