I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
