I think i peed on brittanys purse
babies were throwing up all over the place
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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