Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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