And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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