Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
