Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
