Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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