She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
