conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
