if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
