I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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