I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
