I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
