I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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