Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
