Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
