This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How external is "for external use only"?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
