Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
