i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize