Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
