i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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