Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
