It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
