She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
