i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
