you would pick up someone in the library
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize