this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
