he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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