dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
