You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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