she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
tell me about the eggs
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