It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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