I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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