in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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