Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
