Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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