i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
