I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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