the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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