I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am available for nakedness
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
