when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
