I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
