HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
