This is not my ceiling
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
