You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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