"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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