Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
