Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
