I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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