I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
