I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
