Me. At least after what I've been through.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize