Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
