Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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