there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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